Worrying is mental process where our thoughts are constantly churning and analysing possible outcomes. Negative thoughts and predictions about the future contribute are the thinking part of anxiety so frequent worrying maintains the anxiety spiral which also includes experiencing a heighted physical and emotional response. This is a self-reinforcing cycle because we then try and interpret our feelings or identify our racing heart and hyperawareness must be for a reason, so we conclude that we must be right – there is something seriously wrong that deserves our worry.
Why do we worry
To reduce uncertainty: because we are uncomfortable with uncertainty and your brain is a problem-solving machine, so it’s strategy is to keep thinking about problems you can control and try to fix future issues before they occur. However, people can get used to worrying and rumination as an almost constant stream of thoughts and get stuck in a loop that is self-reinforcing. People often believe that worrying is helpful, for example, worry is important in staving off concerns and when bad things don't happen rather than question whether the worry was worth it, they decide that worrying helped to alter the course of events. It can become a habit that’s hard to break - because we ignore the fact that a lot of what we worry about may not come to pass at all, and if it does, worrying about something before hand doesn’t make it hurt any less than if you had let things unravel in their own time.
To influence or control the unknown: sometimes we stay stuck in a worrying habit because when the things we don’t want to happen don’t, we attribute this to the fact that we spent our time worrying about it. This can make not worrying feel dangerous, if you don’t worry how will you protect yourself. This logic is flawed though because it takes away from your peace today and what you think about you attract – worrying and tuning into the negative may hold you back and result in playing things safe in life to ensure nothing bad ever happens. There’s an experiment you can do to disprove this logic – spend a lot of time thinking about winning the lottery, go out and buy a ticket, really convince yourself that you have won. Thinking about winning won’t influence the results any more than thinking about negative outcomes prevents them. It can be hard to accept there’s so much amazing things we can do, but we can’t control the future, there will always be uncertainty and we have to learn to become comfortable with an element of risk.
Avoidance: we might continue to worry because it is preferrable to stay stuck than to change our behaviour. If we are unsure of the consequences of change, we might opt to continue thinking about an issue to see if we can come up with an easier or less challenging solution. To overcome avoidance, give yourself credit for small constructive changes to begin the process of reducing worry and increasing agency.
The positive side to worry
Consider likely outcomes: The ability to worry about the future and unknown events has given humans an evolutionary advantage – the ability to predict and pre-empt danger and threat is what kept us safe when we were living in more hostile conditions, exposed to nature and wild animals. This becomes effective worry when you change your behaviour or response to something based on your predicted outcome, so if you imagine living in a cold outdoor environment, a worry about the weather turning cold in the winter months is effective if you then make a plan to gather and store so you will have a ready supply of fuel/fire to last the winter.
Acting and plans: Worrying is useful when it helps us to consider issues that might occur and then plan how we will respond or change a course of action based on our predictions. It is in the formation of a new plan that worry serves a purpose.
Ask yourself – is this worrying process purposeful?
If worry is productive and proactive then it can be positive because it can help to solve problems and reduce rumination about future threats and challenges. This means worry that involves identifying issues followed by solutions and potentially a new course of action - which you either enact or schedule. Without a new actionable plan then worry can lead to anxiety and rumination.
What helps when overwhelmed by worry?
Our brains are hard wired to have a negativity bias so it is a natural inclination to identify potential negative consequences. Over the course of a day our attention is pulled in so many different directions that are leaving us overstimulated with information. For example, it is often cited that the human brain can comfortably hold 100 acquaintances – so think in the past if you knew 100 people, some closely and others more peripherally how often you would hear about traumatic events that have affected them or the death of someone you knew. While still upsetting this would be more localised and limited in the occurrence. But now with social media and the modern news cycle, potential threats and catastrophic consequences are reported frequently. This stimulates our worrying mind, with its negative leaning to mentally consider the threat of these things happening to us.
People who are prone to worry often believe that it is uncontrollable, and they can’t stop but the reality is you can change your relationship with worry but it will take time and effort to unlearn an habitual thought pattern like worrying. Learning techniques to help us break the cycle of rumination and unhooking our thoughts can be helpful to put into practice to begin giving your mind some space to slow down and stop the constant flow of thoughts allowing you to engage in the present.
1. Learn what is fuelling your worry
Befriend your worry – although it might make you feel frustrated worry is a natural and normal way your mind works. If your worry has become unproductive and uncontrollable, focusing on worse case scenarios, it could be beneficial to break that cycle. A great place to start is by monitoring what thoughts spark the worry for you and to observe how your mind reacts to those thoughts and develop a self-compassionate and kind response.
2. Worry tree
Cognitive behavioural therapists often use a tool called the worry tree, which culminates in consciously letting a hypothetical worry go or scheduling a concrete plan to do something about it. I have created a printable worry chart that you can use to help you decide the best course of action for your worry.
3. Worry time
People who find they have problems with excessive worrying often find that while find that they are constantly subjected to worrying thoughts running through their mind, they also try to suppress and avoid the content of the thoughts. The result of this is that the worrys gain momentum, strength and power. Worry time works because it is an allocated time where you actively work through and challenge your worry. In addition, it helps to break the cycle of rumination because it limits the time you are engaged in worry, giving your mind freedom and space for other periods of the day. This means that when it is the dedicated worry time, that the worry you do is purposeful and boundaried. When a worry pops up at a different time of day, you can take a moment to acknowledge it without judgement and remind yourself, “I’ll think about this during worry time” you may even keep a list that can work as an agenda for worry time.
4. Documenting your worries
Writing your worries down helps to create some distance between you are the worry. Rather than keeping them swimming around in your head. Seeing them in black and white can change your perspective on them. If a thought really keeps nagging at you, you could write it down and create a “worry list” to look at during worry time. Or if you keep writing the same thing down, maybe it’s time to work on dealing with the worry in a purposeful – action led way. Another useful CBT tool you could use is a thought record, here is a printable thought record specifically for worry: worry thought record.
5. Grounding in the present
Instead of “what if” focus on “what is” - centre yourself in what thoughts are coming up for you, sensations you feel in your body. Learning to acknowledge and sit with any discomfort as it arises in the body is a powerful alternative to getting hooked and carried away by worries.
If you are interested in having counselling, and would like to know more about how I work, arrange a free introductory call by emailing contact@carolynleith.co.uk